Reason #1 – Why you are stuck!

Okay, a recap here before we get started creating LONG TERM change!!

1.   Building on our last time together, here is a quick reminder of your homework.  You were to identify an area you would like to make a change or grow in and write it down. 

2.   Next you were to spend :05 examining the area in light of the four reasons why people stay stuck.  Here is a quick review of those below:

Number 1. We aren’t aware of the beliefs underneath that are driving our behaviors. Okay we could end here and hit most of us, but we’ll move to number two just in case.  

Number 2. We don’t rewire our old thoughts specifically to tell a fuller story.  I use a phrase “what is more true” (we’ll explore more together in the coming months).  As a result, we don’t have anything substantial to fall back on to replace our old narrative.

Number 3.  We don’t feel like our new way of thinking is true so we don’t believe it and thus we don’t act on it.  We just want things to change by changing our thoughts. 

Number 4. We don’t sow our seeds over time. We don’t live out our new way of practicing daily. 

3.   Now look at your area of change and identify which of these four things you have already done.  

Okay– right now you should have in front of you; an area of your life you want to change or grow in, along with a note of which of the four things above you are doing. 

Here we go! 

I mentioned in our last time together, we would spend today introducing Principle 1 and getting you on your way to uncovering what is in the way of you accomplishing your goals.  

Principle 1:

Regarding where you are stuck, the root is a Flawed Mindset or way of thinking. Solution: First identify your Flawed Mindset and take it captive.

In doing some research for the Link Program, I came across a widely quoted line from the National Science Foundation. “It was found that the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thousands of thoughts, 80% were negative, and 95% were exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.”  

Whether or not these numbers are exact, it is safe to say we all have an inordinate number of thoughts per day. If a large portion of those are subconscious, and according to Wikipedia’s explanation of cognitive behavioral therapy, our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors all influence each other—where does that leave us? 

At a minimum, it explains some of the reasons why we stay stuck in certain areas. 

In the process of wanting to make changes, our first task is to gain an awareness of our beliefs and thoughts around the areas we want to change. To say I want to change something (usually an action or result we have in our life), means that by definition we are doing something currently to get the results we have.  

If we want to change an outcome, we have to change the action (or inaction) that leads to the outcome.  

The problem is it is difficult to change our behavior because often the neural pathways in our brains are deep from years of repetitive thoughts and actions. Over time, our thoughts create neural pathways in our brains. The more we have entertained those thoughts and acted on them, the deeper the pathways become. 

Think about it this way, if our brains have pathways like ruts (think sledding down the snow in the same spot all day), it is easier to sled down a path already carved out than it is to pave a new one. That is one of the reasons it is hard to change.  

In order to change our behavior, we have to change our beliefs and thoughts (or mindsets) leading to the behavior. I am defining mindset in this process to mean a way of thinking, a thought process, value system, or set of deeply held beliefs that lead to certain feelings, actions, and the resulting fruit. 

Now I hope Principle One and how it applies to your 2022 Goals will make more sense.  

Here it is again, “Regarding where you are stuck – or want to make progress, the root is a Flawed Mindset or way of thinking.” Now connect it to your goals; in order to change this thing or area you would like to grow in, you have to examine what you are thinking about this thing, because part of the solution is to identify your Flawed Mindset and take it captive.

If you have things in your life you are frustrated by or wish were different, you have to start by gaining an awareness of how you are thinking about it.  Why is that important?  Because that produces feelings and generally speaking actions, which lead to results.  

I am going to wrap up today with your homework for next time.  In keeping with small changes over time, I am just assigning :05!  

I want you to spend :05 (set your timer) each day writing down your raw thoughts on the area you want to change. Write ALL your thoughts, the good, the bad and what you might consider right or wrong.  I want you to capture all of it.  

Okay, that’s your first step. Not hard but it IS a process. You won’t change overnight but in :05 you can begin the process of change.  

When we meet back here next time, I am going to share Principle Two so you can begin to create new ways of thinking that lead to the changes you want to make in your life. 

Hang in there!! I know from coaching people through this, Principle One is the least fun.  BUT you won’t get where you are trying to go by putting your head in the sand and hoping things change.  In other words, full circle here from last time, “our goals don’t go “poof” and just appear.” 

It isn’t hard, it just takes a little time, commitment, and consistency.  Remember what I said last time?  It’s usually not that the steps we need to take are hard, but that we want something else more. Again, many times what we want more than the thing we say, is comfort. 

For today; sit down in your favorite chair, get something to drink (for me that’s coffee) and your journal and pen.  Set your timer for :05. Write out your thoughts around the area you want to change. 

I can’t wait to be with you next time because this is where it gets really fun!  You can do the hard work. Trust me, it’s worth it. 

Until next time, 

Cynthia