Reason #4 – Why you are stuck!
When I was growing up, I hated hearing the question (rhetorical of course) “Why don’t you go practice?”
Whether it was hitting tennis balls on the backboard at Tennis and Swim (envision my 16-year-old self yawning), practicing the piano (eye roll), or doing algebra homework (actually, I liked this) — I hated the idea of practicing.
I know some of you over-achievers are thinking I’m a slacker. And frankly, yes. I was!
Why did I hate it so much?
Because I like the hype, the excitement — the game. I like having practiced (past tense). I always wanted to be the best at things I just never wanted to do what it took to really excel.
Many of the people with an “ALL or NOTHING” mindset that seek coaching fall into one of two categories. Those for whom the mindset has brought success in life, and those it has worked against, because it causes big feelings of failure which lead to inaction.
One group thrived (for a season) because they did it ALL and one group suffered because it caused paralysis, and they did NOTHING.
I was thinking about this last principle and why we get stuck, and reason number four is so simple.
We get stuck because we don’t practice small steps over time! We don’t make small changes.
We like the hype, the excitement, the game.
We go “All In” which seems like our culture’s new favorite phrase. I am not knocking it totally, just as it relates to seeing your life through the lens of “I have to do it all” or “not at all”.
Go big or go home sounds great but it isn’t sustainable as a way of creating lasting change and transformation.
I’ll rub a lot of people the wrong way on this but in my time as a coach, I have seen more people stuck in areas because of the all or nothing mindset than almost any other mindset.
Why? Two reasons.
One reason and the most obvious is we give up when we don’t see results. We like having done things, having practiced. We go to the gym for a week and want to see muscles we haven’t worked in years. We work at something for a month, and we don’t see what we expect, and we throw in the towel.
The second reason and the other side of this coin which many people don’t talk about; the over-achiever or perfectionists, those who are all in on everything and run themselves into the ground because they don’t know how to do small increments over time. This isn’t always readily evident and can take time to show up, like years.
They don’t do something unless they can do it 110%. They do it all, and perfectly or not at all. So of course, you are a success until your people aren’t following you anymore, your relationships are about a 5 out of 10 – all because you don’t invest in small ways over time.
It’s why I’ve decided the Compound Effect was the second most influential book in transforming my life in the last 8 years.
Small actions done over time DO bring about LONG-TERM change. Things we change in small increments and over time are reasonable, and in fact, probably seem insignificant. Not worth doing, because guess what…they don’t seem ALL IN!
These are the things that create long term transformation in our lives.
I’ve heard it said, “it isn’t what you do one day that matters, but what you do every day.”
If you believe this and decide you want to change something, make changes you can keep doing. Do things that you can do over time and quit noticing and looking for results!
Okay enough harping, but the principle stands out as one of the biggest. If you can do these 4 things, YOU WILL CHANGE!
- Identify your flawed mindset around the area you want to change.
- Identify what is actually true in regard to this area of your life.
- Identify a small action item to do that lives out the truth.
- Do it every day for a year.
Practicing your new truth daily will lead to blessing—OVER TIME. The solution is: practice over time no matter how you feel.
Last thing as we wrap up this mini version of my coaching curriculum “The Link Program”. If our last 4 sessions have been helpful and you want to work through it in a step-by-step way, you can find it for sale here https://cynthiabaker.com/available-programs/. You can also hire a coach (me) for a session to help you get started!
The next time we are together you will notice a shift in our conversation!
I love helping people, but I also love helping businesses. In fact, that’s what I do for a living. Going forward we will be talking about communication gaps between owners/managers and the people they lead, the strain it puts on your company and the hindrance on results. Yes, we’ll also talk about solutions! I can’t wait!
Please reach out to me if you have any questions about how to get unstuck. I’d love to help you take a next step.
See you back here in October.
Cynthia